Someone Hurts You Over and Over Again
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." ~Unknown
Mayhap someone injure you physically or emotionally. Maybe you lot've survived something else traumatic—a natural disaster, a fire, an armed robbery. Or maybe you've but come out of a trying state of affairs, and though y'all know you'll somewhen recover, you withal feel pain that seems unbearable.
Whatsoever the example may be, yous've been scarred and you bear it with you through many of your days.
About of u.s. can relate on some level to that feeling. Even people who excel at taking personal responsibleness take at least one story of having been hurt. Though some of usa have endured more serious situations, you really tin can't quantify or compare emotional pain.
To a teenager who just had her heart broken, the hurting really seems like the cease of the globe. In fact, Livestrong estimates that every 100 minutes, a teenager takes their life—and that the number of suicides in high-income families is the same as in poor families.
Presumably, not all of those teens take suffered incomprehensible tragedies. What they accept in common is pain, built-in from different adversities and circumstances.
When you're hurting some people might tell yous to "let it go," as if that'south a valid solution. They may say "it'south all in your caput" and assume that reasons away the hurting. But none of that will help you heal and find happiness from moment to moment.
Like everyone, I've been hurt, in both profound and trivial ways. I've had to to admit my feelings, process them, and then find ways to piece of work through them so I could let go and movement on. Here's what helped me do just that.
i. Ascertain your pain.
It'due south non always easy to place and empathise what's hurting you. Some people even stay in abusive relationships because information technology'south safer than acknowledging their many layers of pain: the low self-esteem that convinces them they deserve abuse, the shame over being treated with such cruelty, and the feeling of desperation that convinces them there's no real way out.
The first stride toward finding happiness after having been hurt is to understand why you were hurt, to get to the root of everything that makes the memories hard.
2. Feel and express that pain.
There's no guarantee that yous'll be able to communicate how yous feel to the person who hurt you, and if you can, at that place'southward no guarantee they'll answer how yous desire them to. Say what you demand to say anyway. Write in your journal. Write a letter and burn information technology. Get information technology all out.
This volition help y'all understand why you're hurting and what you'll do in the future to avoid like pain, so you can feel empowered instead of victimized.
Enquiry has really proven that people who focus on lessons learned while journaling notice the feel more helpful than people who don't.
3. Try to stay in the nowadays.
Reliving the by tin can exist addictive. Information technology gives you the opportunity to do information technology again and reply differently—to fight back instead of submitting, to speak your mind instead of silencing yourself. It also allows you to possibly understand amend. What happened? Where did y'all become incorrect? What should you take done?
Regardless of what y'all think you should accept done, you can't do it now. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, you may need professional help to avoid revisiting the incident. If y'all don't, you need sustained effort. Fight the urge to relive the pain over and over. You lot tin can't go back and find happiness at that place. You lot can but experience that now.
iv. Stop rehashing the story.
Sometimes we tell a sad story over and over once more as a way to avoid moving on from the past.
It may seem like some other way to understand what happened, or peradventure information technology feels helpful to hear someone say you didn't do anything wrong and you don't deserve to hurt. And it'southward okay if you need that for a while.
But if you do this for years it keeps you stuck living your life effectually a memory and giving it power to control you.
No amount of reassurance will modify what happened. Yous can't discover happiness by property onto a painful story and letting it control your life. You can only notice happiness when you let it go and make room for something better.
If telling your story empowers you and helps other people, then by all ways share! Only yous know where you are mentally and emotionally and whether telling your story is hurting or helping you lot.
5. Forgive yourself.
Maybe you lot didn't exercise anything incorrect just y'all blame yourself. Or perhaps you played a role in creating your current situation. Regardless of what happened, you demand to realize that what you did is not who y'all are. And fifty-fifty if you feel immense regret, yous deserve to start today without carrying that weight. You deserve a break.
You can either punish yourself and submit to misery, or forgive yourself and create the possibility of happiness. It comes downwards to whether you decide to dwell or movement on. Which practice y'all choose: anger with yourself and prolonged pain, or forgiveness and the potential for peace?
vi. Stop playing the arraign/victim game.
Maybe you were a victim. Perchance someone did horrible things to yous, or you fell into an unfortunate set of circumstances through no fault of your own. Information technology however doesn't serve you to sit around feeling bad for yourself, blaming other people. In fact, it only holds you dorsum. You can't feel good if y'all utilize this moment to feel bad nigh another person's actions.
The but way to experience happiness is to accept responsibility for creating it, whether other people made information technology easy for you or not. You lot're non responsible for what happened to you in the past but you're responsible for your attitude now. Why let someone who hurt you in the by have power over your nowadays?
7. Don't allow the pain become your identity.
If everything you lot do and all your relationships center around something that injure you, information technology will be harder to motion on. Yous may even come to appreciate what that identity gives you lot: attention, the illusion of agreement, or the warmth of pity, for example.
Yous take to consider the possibility at that place's a greater sense of happiness in completely releasing your story. That you'd feel meliorate than yous tin even imagine if you'd stop letting your hurting define you lot. You lot tin have a sad story in your past without building your nowadays around it.
viii. Reconnect with who you were earlier the pain.
It's not easy to release a hurting identity, particularly if yous've carried it effectually for a long fourth dimension. It may assistance to remember who yous were before that experience—or to consider who you might take become if it hadn't happened.You can still be that person, someone who doesn't feel biting or angry and then frequently.
If you desire to feel peaceful and happy, start past identifying what that looks similar—what you think about, what y'all practice, how you interact with people. Odds are this procedure volition remind you lot both how you want to be and how you don't want to be.
9. Focus on things that bring you joy in the moment.
You don't have to focus on completely letting become of your hurting forever; you just have to brand room for joy right now. Beginning simple. What's something you can relish in this moment, regardless of what pain you've experienced? Would sitting in the sunday bring yous joy? Would calling your sister bring y'all joy?
Don't remember about the totality of the residuum of your days. That's a massive burden to carry—haven't y'all hurt enough? Just focus on now, and allow yourself a little peace. You'll be surprised how easily "nows" tin can add upward when you focus on them as they come.
x. Share that joy with other people.
We often isolate ourselves when nosotros're hurting because information technology feels safer than showing people our vulnerability. What we fail to realize is that we don't have to experience vulnerable all the time. We can cull certain people for support, and and so allow ourselves time with others without involving our painful stories.
Y'all tin share a meal, a moving-picture show, a moment and give yourself a break from your acrimony or sadness. Yous don't have to bear it through every moment of your mean solar day. Don't worry—if you experience you lot need to call back information technology, you'll nevertheless exist able to think information technology later. But equally you allow yourself pockets of peace, shared with people you dear, you may find you lot need that story a lot less.
***
To exist clear, you have a right to feel whatever yous feel. And y'all don't have to rush through your sadness or anger. Nosotros all need time to process our feelings. Only there comes a fourth dimension when nosotros need to consciously choose to heal, let become, and move on. It'due south a process, and it won't be easy. But you deserve it.
Everyone deserves to feel happy. Everyone deserves a trivial peace. One more thing we all accept in common: we can only provide those things for ourselves.
Photo hither.
**This post has been expanded to analyze a few crucial points.
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Source: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-happiness-tips-for-people-who-have-been-hurt/
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